Rooting Out Nitwits such as Sheryl Crow II
. . . In Crow’s blog, she explained, “I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. . . I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.”
Seemingly aware even then of the absurdity of that well-thought-out plan, she qualified it: ”Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, [muchas gracias, Ms. Crow] but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required:” http://tiny.cc/uzpzx
No mention was made as to whether a federal corps of potty police would be needed to enforce the one-square rule, and how, what the penalties would be for failure to comply, or whether the square would be one ply or two. . . .
(Read more at http://www.genelalor.com/blog1/?p=1851)
Showing posts with label toilet paper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toilet paper. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Nasty Signs of Green Times
Nasty Signs of Green Times
Ok, there’s no need to admit it since even Jerry Seinfeld does it.
I’m not talking sex or nose-picking but bathroom, umm, activities. Granted the subject is not your usual cocktail party chat fare and it’s gross but, unfortunately, it’s in the news.
Overachieving songstress Sheryl Crow and political activist Laurie David started it all with their one-sheet proposal a few years back.
(The terminally squeamish should feel free to substitute “bathroom tissue” wherever the terms “toilet paper” or “tp” is mentioned in this article.)
In sum, enviro-zealots Crow and David seriously proposed that Americans be limited to a single sheet of toilet paper when they had to skip to the loo. The two self-appointed eco-experts felt that challenging sacrifice was needed to save the planet.
Both withdrew into the bushes when their scheme was met with a torrent of mockery and they then pulled an Emily Litella and declared, “Never mind.”
A related toilet tale later bubbled up in cash-strapped Riverside County, California when officials decided they just had to save a third of a penny per tp sheet.
Their plan as reported by the New York Times: “There was a texture test, and then the Facilities Management Department decided that Angel Soft would be utilized for elected officials and their guests. The remainder of the county facilities would be using two-ply.”
For more detail on both stories, toilet paper aficionados are referred to ”Things Get Rough in California,” http://www.genelalor.com/blog1/?p=1007.
Things continue to gurgle on the toilet front.
Last month came the allegation that, unlike people who care about the planet, over-indulged, Earth-hating Americans are inclined to softies when it came to tp.
Super-Charmins and comparable super-soft “terlet paper,” as my mom used to call it, were wiping out tens of thousands of acres of old growth forests which are the prime softness sources. Newer trees make for a rougher going but it sure beats chopping down redwoods, no?
The enviro-whackos think we should emulate Europe and use single ply, recycled paper, which is tantamount to using dry leaves or old copies of the Times.
Those Earth-friendly Europeans are in the forefront of the effort to save the trees, especially old trees and should serve as models for us profligate Americans who love the soft life.
At least one Irish girls’ school has shown the way toward saving a few euros . . .
(Read the rest at http://genelalor.com)
Ok, there’s no need to admit it since even Jerry Seinfeld does it.
I’m not talking sex or nose-picking but bathroom, umm, activities. Granted the subject is not your usual cocktail party chat fare and it’s gross but, unfortunately, it’s in the news.
Overachieving songstress Sheryl Crow and political activist Laurie David started it all with their one-sheet proposal a few years back.
(The terminally squeamish should feel free to substitute “bathroom tissue” wherever the terms “toilet paper” or “tp” is mentioned in this article.)
In sum, enviro-zealots Crow and David seriously proposed that Americans be limited to a single sheet of toilet paper when they had to skip to the loo. The two self-appointed eco-experts felt that challenging sacrifice was needed to save the planet.
Both withdrew into the bushes when their scheme was met with a torrent of mockery and they then pulled an Emily Litella and declared, “Never mind.”
A related toilet tale later bubbled up in cash-strapped Riverside County, California when officials decided they just had to save a third of a penny per tp sheet.
Their plan as reported by the New York Times: “There was a texture test, and then the Facilities Management Department decided that Angel Soft would be utilized for elected officials and their guests. The remainder of the county facilities would be using two-ply.”
For more detail on both stories, toilet paper aficionados are referred to ”Things Get Rough in California,” http://www.genelalor.com/blog1/?p=1007.
Things continue to gurgle on the toilet front.
Last month came the allegation that, unlike people who care about the planet, over-indulged, Earth-hating Americans are inclined to softies when it came to tp.
Super-Charmins and comparable super-soft “terlet paper,” as my mom used to call it, were wiping out tens of thousands of acres of old growth forests which are the prime softness sources. Newer trees make for a rougher going but it sure beats chopping down redwoods, no?
The enviro-whackos think we should emulate Europe and use single ply, recycled paper, which is tantamount to using dry leaves or old copies of the Times.
Those Earth-friendly Europeans are in the forefront of the effort to save the trees, especially old trees and should serve as models for us profligate Americans who love the soft life.
At least one Irish girls’ school has shown the way toward saving a few euros . . .
(Read the rest at http://genelalor.com)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Some Are Finding It Rough in California
As if budget cuts, possible state bankruptcy by July, teacher layoffs, pay cuts of 10%, now comes what may be the most unkindest cut of all, a move back to two-ply from four-ply toilet tissue in the Riverside County section of the once-great State of California.
It’s sad but true. It must be true since the story was reported by the Old Gray Lady, the imminently-defunct New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/us/08toilet.html?_r=1.
Last year, the county laid out $270,000 just for that lavatory essential and finally decided, No mas! That third of a penny extra per sheet for the four-ply extravagance for the hundred or so execs out of the 18,500 county employees must now cope with the rough life endured by the other 18,400 county workers.
In a statement explaining why the Elite 100 had unilaterally upgraded from two to four-ply, county spokesman Tom Freeman said, “There was a texture test, and then the Facilities Management Department decided that Angel Soft would be utilized for elected officials and their guests. The remainder of the county facilities would be using two-ply.”
It’s unreported whether Freeman smirked when he made his statement.
You got a problem with that? After all, all civil servants are created equal but surely some are more equal than others when it comes to “texture tests” conducted by the Facilities Management Department.
The focus on the nether regions is not unprecedented for Californians. A few years back, environmental zealots, songstress Sheryl Crow and buddy Laurie David, had a terrific solution for the blight of global warming and it too centered on toilet paper.
In what I referred to in my book as “The One Square Rule” to save the planet, a variation on the “Two Ply Rule” to save Riverside County, Crow and David devised our salvation.
An excerpt from pages 31-32 of An Immodest Proposal for Ending and Winning the War on Terror:
“A little comic relief is always welcome, especially amid all the global warming gloom. To the rescue, armed with the most ridiculous suggestion yet for saving Planet Earth, comes Laurie Lennard David. Former talent scout, estranged wife of Seinfeld’s Larry David, jet setter, owner of sprawling estates on both coasts, producer of Gore’s documentary, global warming activist, and Savior of the Planet, she proposed a brilliant scheme. Teaming with a fellow unheralded enviro-expert, pop singer Sheryl Crow, they recently unveiled their well thought out plan to slow down the warming of the globe. Their proposal: a limitation of one square of toilet paper each time we have to skip to the loo.
(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-crow/laurie-and-sheryl-go-tos_b_46320.html)
Seriously, folks, you cannot make this stuff up.
Neither Laurie nor Sheryl said whether they endorsed a Corps of Potty Police to insure adherence to the One Square Rule. There is no need anyway. When that which could not be cleaned up by one square of Charmin hit the fan, Ms. Crow had to eat some of her namesake bird. Following widespread mockery, she passed it off as a joke.
Her joke was forthwith forgiven, unlike Don Imus’ ‘nappy-headed ho’s’ witticism.
Sheryl is in the same league as Babs Streisand, an empty-head warbler . . .”
(http://genelalor.com)
It’s sad but true. It must be true since the story was reported by the Old Gray Lady, the imminently-defunct New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/us/08toilet.html?_r=1.
Last year, the county laid out $270,000 just for that lavatory essential and finally decided, No mas! That third of a penny extra per sheet for the four-ply extravagance for the hundred or so execs out of the 18,500 county employees must now cope with the rough life endured by the other 18,400 county workers.
In a statement explaining why the Elite 100 had unilaterally upgraded from two to four-ply, county spokesman Tom Freeman said, “There was a texture test, and then the Facilities Management Department decided that Angel Soft would be utilized for elected officials and their guests. The remainder of the county facilities would be using two-ply.”
It’s unreported whether Freeman smirked when he made his statement.
You got a problem with that? After all, all civil servants are created equal but surely some are more equal than others when it comes to “texture tests” conducted by the Facilities Management Department.
The focus on the nether regions is not unprecedented for Californians. A few years back, environmental zealots, songstress Sheryl Crow and buddy Laurie David, had a terrific solution for the blight of global warming and it too centered on toilet paper.
In what I referred to in my book as “The One Square Rule” to save the planet, a variation on the “Two Ply Rule” to save Riverside County, Crow and David devised our salvation.
An excerpt from pages 31-32 of An Immodest Proposal for Ending and Winning the War on Terror:
“A little comic relief is always welcome, especially amid all the global warming gloom. To the rescue, armed with the most ridiculous suggestion yet for saving Planet Earth, comes Laurie Lennard David. Former talent scout, estranged wife of Seinfeld’s Larry David, jet setter, owner of sprawling estates on both coasts, producer of Gore’s documentary, global warming activist, and Savior of the Planet, she proposed a brilliant scheme. Teaming with a fellow unheralded enviro-expert, pop singer Sheryl Crow, they recently unveiled their well thought out plan to slow down the warming of the globe. Their proposal: a limitation of one square of toilet paper each time we have to skip to the loo.
(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-crow/laurie-and-sheryl-go-tos_b_46320.html)
Seriously, folks, you cannot make this stuff up.
Neither Laurie nor Sheryl said whether they endorsed a Corps of Potty Police to insure adherence to the One Square Rule. There is no need anyway. When that which could not be cleaned up by one square of Charmin hit the fan, Ms. Crow had to eat some of her namesake bird. Following widespread mockery, she passed it off as a joke.
Her joke was forthwith forgiven, unlike Don Imus’ ‘nappy-headed ho’s’ witticism.
Sheryl is in the same league as Babs Streisand, an empty-head warbler . . .”
(http://genelalor.com)
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